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The World is Small, Ideas are Huge
The Earth is Tiny, the Universe is Infinite
Present Entries 
25th-Sep-2013 01:16 pm - Obamacare and Ham
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I am Uncle Sam.
I am Uncle Sam.
Uncle Sam I am.

That Uncle Sam.
That Uncle Sam!
I do not like
that Uncle Sam.

Do you like
Obamacare and ham?

I do not like it,
Uncle Sam.
I do not like Obamacare and ham.

Would you like everyone to be covered
here or there?

I would not like everyone to be covered
here or there.
I would not like everyone to be covered
I do not like
Obamacare and ham.
I do not like it,
Uncle Sam.

Would you like it
if you were burned in a fire in a house?
Would you like it
if you got the plague from a mouse?

I do not like it
if I was burned in a fire in a house.
I do not like it
if I got the plague from a mouse.
I do not like everyone to be covered
here or there.
I do not like to everyone be covered
I do not like Obamacare and ham.
I do not like it, Uncle Sam.

Would you use it
if you were crushed by a box?
Would you use it
if you were bitten by a rabid fox?

Not if I was crushed by a box.
Not if I was bitten by a rabid fox.
Not if I was burned in a fire in my house.
Not if I got the plague from a mouse.
I would not use it here or there.
I would not use it anywhere.
I would not use Obamacare and ham.
I do not like it, Uncle Sam.

Would you? Could you?
If you had an accident in your car?
Use it! Use it!
It's for everyone near and far.

I would not ,
could not,
if I had an accident in a car.

You may like it.
You will see.
You may like it
if you fell out of a tree?
Not if I fell out of a tree.
I would not, could not if I fell out of a tree.
Not if I had an accident in a car! You let me be.

I do not like it if I was crushed by a box.
I do not like it if I was bitten by a rabid fox.
I do not like it if I was burned in a fire in a house.
I do not like it if I got the plague from a mouse.
I do not like everyone to be covered here or there.
I do not like everyone to be covered anywhere.
I do not like Obamacare and ham.
I do not like it, Uncle Sam.

A train! A train!
A train! A train!
Could you, would you
if you were hit by a train?

Not if I was hit by a train! Not if I fell out of a tree!
Not if I was in an accident in a car! Uncle Sam! Let me be!
I would not, could not, if I was crushed by a box.
I could not, would not, if I was bitten by a rabid fox.
I will not use it if I get the plague from a mouse.
I will not use it if I am burned in a fire in a house.
I will not use it here or there.
I will not use it anywhere.
I do not like it, Uncle Sam.

In the dark?
Here in the dark!
Would you, could you, if you were attacked in the dark?

I would not, could not,
if I was attacked in the dark.

Would you, could you,
if you got pneumonia in the rain?

I would not, could not, if I got pneumonia in the rain.
Not if I was attacked in the dark. Not if I was hit by a train.
Not if I had an accident in a car. Not if I fell out of a tree.
I do not like it, Uncle Sam, you see.
Not if I was burned in fire in a house. Not if I was crushed by a box.
Not if I got the plague from a mouse. Not if I was bitten by a rabid fox.
I will not use it here or there.
I do not like everyone to be covered anywhere!

You do not like
Obamacare and ham?

I do not
like it,
Uncle Sam.

Could you, would you,
if you were kicked by a goat?

I would not,
could not,
if I was kicked by a goat!

Would you, could you,
if you were nearly drown on a sinking boat?

I could not, would not, if I was nearly drown on a sinking boat.
I will not, will not, if I was kicked by a goat.
I will not use it if I catch pneumonia in the rain.
I will not use it if I was hit by a train.
Not if I was attacked in the dark! Not if I fell out of a tree!
Not if I was in an accident in a car! You let me be!
I do not like it if I was crushed by a box.
I do not like it if I was bitten by a rabid fox.
I will not use it If I was burned in a fire in a house.
I do not like it if I got the plague from a mouse.
I do not like everyone to be covered here or there.
I do not like everyone to be covered ANYWHERE!

I do not like
and ham!

I do not like it,
Uncle Sam.

You do not like it.
SO you say.
Try it! Try it!
And you may.
Try it and you may I say.

If you will let me be,
I will try it.
You will see.

I like Obamacare and ham!
I do!! I like it, Uncle Sam!
And I would use it if I nearly drown on a sinking boat!
And I would use it if I was kicked by a goat.
And I will use it if I get pneumonia in the rain.
And if I get attacked in the dark. And if I get hit by a train.
And if I get into an accident in a car. And if I fell out of a tree.
It is so good, so good for everybody!

So I will use it if I am crushed by a box.
And I will use it if I am bitten by a rabid fox.
And I will use it if I am burned in a fire in a house.
And I will use it if I get the plague form a mouse.
And I will use it here and there.
Say! Everyone can use it ANYWHERE!

I do so like
Obamacare and ham!
Thank you!
Thank you,
Uncle Sam.
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Hello everyone!

I finally have everything ready for my term research project for my statistics class. I am collecting data on a variety of differences between type 1 diabetics who use a pump and those who inject insulin. I need lots of responses, the more the better! Please, if you have type 1 diabetes and have a few moments, fill out a survey for me! When the project is finished I will post a link with the survey results and I will share my findings.

Injectors- Type 1 diabetics who currently inject insulin using needles or pens click this link: http://kwiksurveys.com?u=injectors

Pumpers- Type 1 diabetics who currently use a pump click this link:

28th-Apr-2011 03:46 pm - Oblivion
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Although many care, no one knows my heart.
I am lost in a world without trusted confidants.
Only I can heal my wounds and manage my deep scars.
So I take silent refuge alone here in the dark.

I turn my hot tears into drops of crystal ice.
Take deep breaths to calm the storm inside.
Ignore my constant pain and push it far away.
So I can simply focus on the tasks of today.

Imprisoned I am within my circumstance.
Forced to turn away from the dreams I once had.
Every step I take is slowed by ball and chain.
So I stay here broken in hopeless solitary.

Sometimes I wander within these prison walls.
Checking every door to see if one's unlocked.
Excited I pass through onto the other side.
Yet bigger stronger bars is all I ever find.

I peer past these barriers into the world around
I see a place I can not reach, a freedom left unfound
To soothe my longing heart I watch the drifting clouds.
Wishing I could follow them into oblivion.
15th-Mar-2011 01:53 pm - Writing for My Life
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I am writing for my life.

It's been several long years since my life fell apart. I have made the best of it but I'm ready to return to the path that will lead me to my dreams.

Step 1: Write an extensive appeal
Step 2: Bombard them with documentation and professional letters of support
Step 3: Wait to be approved or denied
Step 4: If approved start school in the fall. If denied, grieve and then find a new job

I was once on a very solid path. One that I carefully laid out before me, brick by brick. Then all at once, I was struck by natural disasters of several kinds. I fought hard and long to keep my footing through the tremors and storms but suddenly the ground gave way and as if I was being carried by a violent mudslide I was cast from it into a dark frightening forest. Here I have been wandering, struggling to survive. Living in a makeshift shelter of a life. Hoping that someday I would have the strength to climb back up to where I left my path and repair it from the years of overgrowth and neglect, moss growing between the cracks, broken bricks and fallen fences. This is my mission now and when it is done I can finally begin to build new bricks and look forward to see where this newly restored path might take me.
7th-Dec-2010 08:51 pm(no subject)
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From my mother I learned to put the needs of others before my own. She showed me that I am always stronger then I might think I am, both physically and emotionally. From her I learned to deal with crisis situations without loosing my calm. My gift of healing and deep empathy for others comes from she.
6th-Nov-2010 11:09 am(no subject)
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I woke up this morning with intense and pressing thoughts. Thoughts that most mornings would be completely lost during my moments of panic to arise and face the responsibilities of the day.

There must be something more to life then this mundane existence. I am meant for more then cleaning houses and raising children. I can envision a future where humans are immortal and when all you have is time what does it matter where you spend it?

In the furture, time will be considered yours instead of someone elses. Spending it will be like shopping choosing what to do with it and where to go with it. Human relationships will be individulistic.

I saw floating homes and skateborders on wormholes
23rd-Apr-2010 11:56 pm - Coming to Terms
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I must come to terms with... I must mourn the loss of my pre-pregnancy purrrfect perky c-cup breasts. They were so great. Sigh.
29th-Jan-2010 01:04 am - My Livingroom Mantel
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My gaze falls upon your image
and then looks beyond
To the empty hourglass of your life
Ashes, contained within your urn

Everyday as I walk by that mantel
or stand before the fire to warm
I can't help but grieve for you
Thinking of the things I could have done

Promises I made and never fulfilled in time
Presents I still want to get for you
Regret for waiting to bare your grandchildren
The power I had to preserve your life but respectfully let go

Your place in my memory is so persistently fervent
with reminders all around
I remember to guard and cherish this time
For tomorrow it could all be gone

I ponder life and death each day
Disability, illness, ethics and health
Pain, pleasure, longing and loosing
Through these issues I quietly traverse

Sometimes when my health slips
into a state close to death
I watch my own hourglass of life drain
and often feel I will not be here long

This is why I live for today
and for tomorrow I do not dwell
This is why I seek my pleasures
Without regret and with some lack of social regard

Life is unpredictably short and incredibly full of hurt so never hold your feelings back from the ones that you love.
24th-Jan-2010 01:33 pm - Stone's Been Blogging
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1st-Jan-2010 12:44 pm - Dream Journal and Other Networking
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Before I started using LJ, I always kept a dream journal separate from my regular journal. I have stacks of them that I have filled over the years. I eventually decided to start a LJ dedicated to recording my dreams. You can find it here:



27th-Dec-2009 08:07 pm - Behavior Song
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This is a song/saying that I made up for my nieces and nephew and eventually Stone I guess.

For when I am reminding them to behave:

Me: What do I expect?
Kids: Well behaved children.
Me: And will you behave well?
Kids: Yes our/my auntie Michelle.

For when they are misbehaving:

Me: What do I expect?
Kids: Well behaved children.
Me: And are you behaving well?
Kids: No but we/I promise we/I will.
27th-Dec-2009 01:21 pm - Default State: Death
I have to accept that I have a body that tries to die by default. If I am not constantly diligent about my insulin, I quickly slip into a familiar haze. It's easy for me to remain in this hazy state because I have been so used to it for so many years it feels normal. That is until I take some insulin and start to feel better. Then I realize, how I was feeling before was my body trying to die on me.

Over Christmas, I was so busy and distracted that I neglected myself. Due to all the traveling from this persons house to that, my diabetic supplies had become scattered and disorganized and I didn't have time to gather it all up if I was to stay on my schedule of festive activities. By the third day of inconsistent and not enough insulin I was feeling pretty awful but I didn't realize it because it had been a gradual decline. On Christmas day after the morning frenzy with the kids and food I started to slip away as I do. I got that heavy feeling in my stomach and chest, I fell asleep and could not fully wake up. Josh said he noticed when I was laying on the couch that my face was really pale and then when he tried to wake me up I was almost nonresponsive. I guess at that point he left to go gather all my supplies for me then woke me up with a few shots. I felt a little better a few hours later but the next day (yesterday) when I finally spent some time at home I checked my ketones and they were moderate which means they were probably large over the days that I was not taking my insulin correctly. Moderate to Large ketones means DKA and possible death are not far from reality if something isn't done. I hate that my body shuts down so fast. What a ridicules disease, seriously. My body = fail.
17th-Dec-2009 10:44 am - Kids
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Well it has happened. Stone is big enough to pick on his cousins. Chase (age 2) did the same thing at this age. Yesterday I had the twins (age 5) over. I stepped out of the room for a sec and heard Alexia screaming so I rushed back in and there she was laying on the floor with Stone sitting next to her pulling her hair and pinching her face. The thing is, she does nothing about it. She does not get up or try to move away, she does not push him off of her, she just lays there helplessly screaming and crying about it. As a result, the baby becomes intrigued by her reaction and continues to try make her squeal. When Chase used to do this we had to convince her that she was bigger and had the power to stand up so her face and hair would be out of his reach. Also that she was stronger and could push him away from her when he was attacking her face. Now Stone is doing the same things to her and we will have to teach her this stuff all over again. She is such a strange child. Unlike Lexi, her twin, Jaden does not have any problem being assertive. My poor pathetic Lexi Lou-Lou Poo.
15th-Dec-2009 06:07 pm - The Same Pot
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Until my uncle brought me flowers, I had forgotten that today would have been my mom's 50th birthday. I was even thinking of her while I swept the back porch today... because of all the leaves that had gathered under her electric wheelchair which is just sitting out there, unoccupied, draped in plastic. Wheelchairs in general are kind of a trigger for me. Also lift buses, and every time I drive down Webster Rd, Railroad Ave or past Linwood school. I was making Macaroni and cheese the other day and realized I was using the same pot... the same exact pot that my mom always used to make it when I was a kid. Fuck... the same pot.
13th-Dec-2009 11:52 am - Life Moves On
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Stone is down for his morning nap. My niece Trinity stayed the night last night. Stone is always so much easier when one or more of his cousins are around. He is so entertained by them and I think he misses living with them. They are more like his siblings then his cousins and more like my own children then my nieces/nephew. The twins turned 5 on Thursday. We had a birthday party for them last night. My baby girls are 5! They will be kindergartners next year! It's strange that I have been raising children for almost 8 years now and yet my only child is not even a year old.

Dec. 7 marked one year since my mom passed away. Her birthday is coming up on the 15th. This would have been her 50th. My friend John's dad just unexpectedly passed away on the 10th a week before what would have been his 80th birthday. I guess John and I will always be sad together in the beginning of December.

One of my favorite memories of John's dad;

I called John's house and while the phone was ringing I was singing this song in the tune of Hong Kong Phooey's theme song...

John John Brainerd
Number one super guy!
John John Brainerd
Quicker then a human eye!

I hadn't realized that John's dad had picked up and heard the song. He laughed and said, "honey I think you have the wrong number!" We both laughed. I will miss that ol' timer!
10th-Dec-2009 01:13 am - "Okay."
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This was so cute I have to share. It seems that for the past month or more Stone has been teething and then sick and then teething and then sick again with only a few normal days here and there. As a result, I have been worn out dealing with him, loosing a lot of sleep and now it seems I have his cold. So tonight I spent an hour nursing him at bedtime only to have him completely wake up right after. I was feeling really frustrated so Josh took him, calmed him down for me and started talking to him. He was like, "Little man you need to calm down and be nicer to Momma okay?" and Stone said, "Okay." Then Josh said, "It's bedtime, you need to go to sleep for Momma okay?" and Stone said, "Okay." Then Josh said "Alright let's go to bed now okay?" and Stone said "Okay."

It was so adorable! I know he doesn't understand all that is being said to him and he is just repeating the last word but watching that little conversation between them was just heart warming.
30th-Nov-2009 03:20 pm - An update on Stone
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I am going to make an effort to update my journal more often. As of late, you would think I have abandoned my journals. Life has just been really hectic. So hectic that I don't even know where to start explaining it. Things are pretty good overall. Stone is growing so fast! He has four teeth now! He crawls, he pulls himself up on things, he runs around the house in his walker and he says words and short phrases. Let's see he says; Momma, Dadda, Grandma (gama), Poppa, Maggy (maga), Jessica (jeca), dog, clap, hi, baby, hi baby, bye-bye, all done, diaper and other stuff too. He likes to randomly copy things that are said.

He has been saying Momma since he was 4 months old and for the longest time that's all he said. Now he says all kinds of stuff. When he looks at himself in the mirror he likes to say, "Hi baby!" which is so cute! It's funny because he usually only says; bye-bye, all done and diaper when he is upset. He hates his car seat so when I'm strapping him in he almost always cries so I say, "We're going bye-bye!" and he repeats "bye-bye" over and over while he cries. Also if he cries as I change him, I say, It's ok, I'm just changing your diaper." and he repeats "diaper" over and over again. When he is in his highchair eating and starts crying I ask, Are you all done? and he repeats "all done, all done!" It's so cute how much he is communicating and expressing himself.
21st-Sep-2009 03:17 pm - Stones First b`lOG
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And this is qwhy i hardly update anything anymore. I constantly have to de]lete Stone's igngvserts why90ile i type. also he is fond of kicking the keyboard drawer in, p4ulling the keyboard off the desk completely and grabbing any object in reac0h on the desk.0
15th-Sep-2009 10:38 pm - Random quotes
Green eye of truth
Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
-Carrie Fisher

There is no greater sorrow than to recall a time of happiness in misery. -Dante

Human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind. -William James

Look at everything as though you were seeing it either for the first or last time. Then your time on earth will be filled with glory.
-Betty Smith

When a man is wrapped up in himself he makes a pretty small package.
-John Ruskin

Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?

A new idea is delicate. It can be killed by a sneer or a yawn; it can be stabbed to death by a joke or worried to death by a frown on the right person's brow.
-Charles Brower

No matter how far you've gone down the wrong road, turn back.
-Turkish proverb

He who foresees calamities suffers them twice over.
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X-posted in diabetes: Update on this post http://community.livejournal.com/diabetes/1501194.html

Sorry I haven't updated for so long. There has been a lot going on. So remember how I had a BG of 575 and was advised to simply see my PCP, then she was out sick and I got the run around with triage etc? Well I did finally see her at some point that week and that appointment was terrible. She did not seem concerned at all, and insisted I was simply an atypical type 2 diabetic and wanted me to go on glyburide and then check with her in a month to see how my BG was doing then. She refused to give me a referral to an endocrinologist because she didn't think it was necessary. I broke down and cried telling her that I needed insulin, that I was sure I was a type 1 and that glyburide would do nothing to help me and could actually harm me further by destroying what little beta cells I have left, if any. She looked at me like she didn't know what I was talking about and finally agreed to do some more tests. She was extremely reluctant to put me on insulin but I insisted. She sent me to see the diabetes educator that day to learn how to use it.

The diabetes educator looked over my case history and told me I was actually a classic type 1 and could not believe my PCP had not realized that. He noticed that the insulin (cant remember what it was called) she prescribed is typically given to type 2 diabetics as well and did not think it was the right kind for me. He called her and explained all of this and got her to agree to give me Lantus. He made her change mt diagnosis to type 1 right then and there because he said it can affect how I am treated in an emergency situation and it could be dangerous if I was treated as a type 2. The diabetes educator also advised me to go to the ER immediately if my BG was over 400.

I took my first shot of Lantus the next morning. Even so, by that evening I was really out of it, I was confused, my vision was terrible, I was extremely fatigued and my speech was very slurred. I checked my BG and it was 510. My husband took me to the ER and I was treated immediately. I mean, they did not screw around! They had me in the ICU hooked up to insulin and fluids within 10 minutes of arriving. They did tons of tests, told me I had large ketones and that I was in DKA. Then my BG dropped really fast down to 60. I was a basket case, crying, shaking and feeling nauseous. They took me off the insulin and gave me juice. My BG continued to drop into the 50s. They injected me with some kind of glucose and fed me a sandwich. Then I went back up into the 300s. They restarted the insulin but were more cautious. Once my BG was in the normal levels they continued to give me fluids until the ketones were gone. I finally got to go home the next day but felt like I had been run over by a truck.

Once home, I called and complained to member services about my PCP and how she could have killed me if I had listened to her. It took forever but they finally assigned me to a new PCP who has been much better. At the insistence of my nutritionist, he started me on NovoLog on Friday the 21st. He also made a referral to an endocrinologist so now I just have to wait for that to go through and make an appointment with them.

With the NovoLog, my BG is finally starting to get under control. Lantus was simply not enough. All month I was still spiking way up into the 400-500 range with just Lantus. I bought some ketone strips and have been checking that regularly so I can avoid going to the ER again. Now that I have NovoLog I can keep my BG from rocketing up like that. I am even starting to feel a little better already. I mean my mind feels like it is sharpening back up again. It's like I have been in a fog for months and it's finally starting to clear.

I am still struggling with all the calculating involved with taking fast acting insulin. The ratio they gave was 1 unit of insulin for every 20 grams of carbs I eat. Also to correct my high BGs the ratio is 1 unit of insulin for every 50 points over target. My target is set at 150. They told me to adjust my doses as necessary as I figure out how my body reacts to the NovaLog. This has all been a little overwhelming. Measuring every serving of carbs, figuring out how much insulin I need for everything I eat, and then actually forcing myself to take the shots... Oh I hate the shots. I need to get a pen at least or maybe a pump in the future because doing these injections 4 times a day is not easy.

On the bright side, Friday night, I went to my parents house to do a sleep over thing that my sisters and I do once and a while and my sister's friend who has been a type 1 diabetic since she was 16 was there. She was so understanding of everything I have been through this entire year dealing with trying to get a solid diagnosis and trying to get my Doctors to take care of me in regard to my diabetes. She gave me lots of encouragement, support and advice. She and I stayed up later then the rest and she made me eat a piece of chocolate cake with her. It was the best, most symbolic piece of cake ever. I think things are finally looking up.
24th-Jun-2009 10:31 pm(no subject)
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I keep writing entries for my journal and then never posting them. I am feeling rather guarded lately I guess.
18th-Jun-2009 03:29 pm - Maybe...
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I wish I could move overseas. You never know, I just might.
10th-May-2009 01:42 am - Mother's Day
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It's my first Mother's Day as a mother... It's also my first Mother's Day without my own mother. This is going to be a difficult day.
27th-Apr-2009 10:04 pm - A Note From My Niece
Green eye of truth
Dear Shll
I LuVe
you nru
a good


A child can really brighten a difficult day.
6th-Mar-2009 03:09 pm - Baby Is On His Way Soon!
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Update: At my appointment today they said I was 3 centimeters dilated, 100% effaced and the baby's head is at 0 station which means he has dropped as low as he can. The doctor said she wouldn't be surprised to see me in labor and delivery tonight... At the very least she doesn't think I will make it through the weekend.

My contractions are painful and consistent... I find myself wanting to run around and do all these last minute things... but owwww I can't!

I am so excited and so nervous!
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